Do you find yourself always dating the “wrong people?” Are you consistently neglected, mistreated, or just plain bored? For many of us, this can feel mystifying, as if our dating lives are cursed. We chalk it up to bad luck, or worse, we feel that we’re simply not worthy of love and affection.
You Stick to What You Know
When it comes to love, having a type is one thing, but when your type is “abusive” or “neglectful,” there’s a problem. Unfortunately, many of us seek what’s familiar rather than what’s actually good for us.
There’s a lot of psychological research that shows many people have a tendency to try and validate false perceptions of themselves. This means that, if you feel that you’re dumb, you’ll end up dating people who affirm this. If you think that you deserve punishment, you’ll find people willing to dish it out. This is familiar to you, and in a strange way, almost comforting.
Often, this stems from negative childhood experiences. If you had a parent who screamed at you when you did something wrong, but never praised your good deeds, that’s the kind of attention you grow accustomed to—your view of love and relationships becomes skewed, and you begin to expect this kind of behavior from romantic partners.
Don’t stick to what’s familiar. If you’re stuck in an endless stream of bad relationships, find out what’s actually good for you by dating outside of your norms. Give new and exciting people a chance. You may be surprised at what you actually like.